I vow to not go to Mark until he comes to me. Carrie has her doubts that I will stay away from Mark for the necessary time. I'm not angry with him, just irritated with teh situation I have gotten myself into with him. he must be partially responsible. But still, I am the one who heads to his house, the only place I ever see him anymore. So my plan of action is to wait for him. Seriously, how hard is it for him to do something that makes me feel special or at least appreciated. I'm not talking about a kiss. I'm not talking about a back massage. I'm not talking about giving me his leftovers or fitting in a movie between homework. I'm not talking about dinner at Jerusalem Garden. That's where you eat when you want good food for not a lot of money and absolutely no atmosphere.
I want to dress up. I want him to dress up. I want him to spend time on me. I want him to be willing to pay for things he wants me to have. I want him to want things for me.
Quick list of things I've bought for him.
t-shirts for him, at least three
thong underwear for him
wide fish nets for me
birth control for me
hand soap
bread
Sunny D

Ok, so it's not that immaculate, but he didn't ask me for any of those things. I buy him things when I see something I want him to have, something I know he'd like. He buys me things on holidays. They're nice things... really nice. But there is no room for favors or dates or suprises. He didn't even have room in his budget for a full minute of conversation on his cell phone when he was in Louisianna for four months. We already confronted this last particular issue and it's resolved, but he hasn't improved his game at all since then.

Two weeks ago, Mark mentioned a fantasy involving wide fishnets. The next day I bought fishnets. They looked hot on me. I told Mark that I had a surprise for him and he would get it in return for doing something to make me feel special. He still hasn't done it. I'm waitng. He's actually making me feel more expendable.