I've been obsessively trying to keep Mark in a certain part of my life. After putting him in two art projects and realizing the detriment of boyfriends in mandatory graded assignments, I think I was right to avoid that situation exactly. The only problem is I didn't fully avoid it at all. I failed. And now I'm writing a blog about it. The thing about this one is it's not getting graded by content.
I'm just really irritated by him recently. That's what I'll tell him if he asks why I left his place before bed time. I've been working on a sewing project at his apartment (another mix of boyfriend and school) because he has a lot more room to spread out. Last night was the last of me working on this project because it is due today. So I realy only had to get through the final seams and attatchments before I could clean up teh mess I made and go to bed. But Mark sat down for a break. So I sat down next to him for a break as well. Then he found a magazine and disreguarded me completely. I was entirely pushed aside to make way for Rolling Stone magazine. At first I was interested in what he was talking about as he flipped through teh pages. Then he was quiet as he stared at pictures. Then his eyes became glued to whatever image he held in front of his face. So I got up to get back to work and accidentally tripped on the video game controller chord because it was stretched across the room. It came unplugged but no harm came to the video game box. Then he moved his eyes.
"Come on, Baby?" he snapped at me like, "what are you doing, ruining my roommmates stuff that I like to use? That's really important to me and you treat it with such disrespect." He didn't actually say that. He just went back to his magazine, unresponsize to my defense, "Collin tripped over my sewing machne chord yesterday and almost fell on my computer. But it was my fault last night for leaving the machine out. You said, 'You have to put that away now.' but I don't see you pointing any fingers at Collin for leaving his chords out."
nothing. He didn't say anything.
"Fuck you." Then i finished my piece, cleaned up completely, and took my four bags of material, sewing machine, portfolio, book bag, purse, and clothing I had for the next morning out the door with me.
Mark put on a jacket and shoes, trying to make me not upset. But when he turned around to grab an umbrella, I grabbed teh two bags he had lifted to carry for me and trodded off in the rain.
He showed up at my door five minutes later with my birthcontrol. He just needs some reassuracne that I'm not going to turn him into a daddy.
Anyway...there isn't anything wrong with puting your best friend ahead of your girlfriend. I'm just so bugged by how quickly he takes sides, even creating arguments that don't exist when something comes between me and Collin. I feel like cutting myself fromhis life completely and seeing how well Collin keeps him company. I'm tired of their apartment. I'm tired of their habbits. I'm tired of being with the two of them. I'll see Mark if he leaves his appartment to see me. But I'm not going over there. I'm not using my free time to hope he is free.