Holy moley. I thought of something inteligent and profound which I thought I wanted to write about, but after confronting this computer here in front of me now, I feel that the moment of epiphany has passed. I remember vaguely what got me so excited.
I'm here with family and though I'm misreable and feeling sorry for myself in teh situation, I've become more aware than ever of all teh baggage that comes with a family in its entirety. I watched Garden State today and I'm sure it alone is not a tenth of my inspiration. But teh film had a similar message concerning family. Every family is ucked up. How can a family possibly not be? We can compare family to family, but that's apples to oranges. Family histories are so complicated and tricky, uncomfortable yet safe, overwhelming and dramatic because they are the absolute essence of the people in them. Social friendship circles contain only a fraction of the people in them. The rest is presentation. But a family has no buffered edges of chosen words. Not in a family as close as mine, at least.
It's hard to be someone you're not. Yet my friends have always seen a different version of me. I update myself for them and carry on in a specific manor in their company. But my family has no time frame with which to know me. They know me all of me. They know every vesrion of me, every side of me, every eddition of me. I have certain expectations of those who knows me so well.
And they have expectations of me also. They want me to know and remember their life and think as they do to understand their situation. They want everyone else in teh family to be aware of their emotional situation. It's hard to keep track of. In order to be so attentive, one would have to constantly have every person in the highest priority. But there is only one place for the highest priority. It can be only one person. Usually it is the owner of the brain who consumes most of it's attention.
So... I think I've made the family situation clear. In short...........
I miss Mark because he pays attention to me and he licks my pussy and he makes me feel so sprecial.
I'm here with family and though I'm misreable and feeling sorry for myself in teh situation, I've become more aware than ever of all teh baggage that comes with a family in its entirety. I watched Garden State today and I'm sure it alone is not a tenth of my inspiration. But teh film had a similar message concerning family. Every family is ucked up. How can a family possibly not be? We can compare family to family, but that's apples to oranges. Family histories are so complicated and tricky, uncomfortable yet safe, overwhelming and dramatic because they are the absolute essence of the people in them. Social friendship circles contain only a fraction of the people in them. The rest is presentation. But a family has no buffered edges of chosen words. Not in a family as close as mine, at least.
It's hard to be someone you're not. Yet my friends have always seen a different version of me. I update myself for them and carry on in a specific manor in their company. But my family has no time frame with which to know me. They know me all of me. They know every vesrion of me, every side of me, every eddition of me. I have certain expectations of those who knows me so well.
And they have expectations of me also. They want me to know and remember their life and think as they do to understand their situation. They want everyone else in teh family to be aware of their emotional situation. It's hard to keep track of. In order to be so attentive, one would have to constantly have every person in the highest priority. But there is only one place for the highest priority. It can be only one person. Usually it is the owner of the brain who consumes most of it's attention.
So... I think I've made the family situation clear. In short...........
I miss Mark because he pays attention to me and he licks my pussy and he makes me feel so sprecial.
posted by RoyOrbison at 5:34 PM
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